Are you struggling in a dead end relationship or are you in a relationship at all?
If the answer to any of these questions is
no, then you need to take out a piece of paper and write down the following list:
Answer the following questions: What do you want in a relationship? What are the qualities of the person you want to be with? List all the things that you would like them to have. Do you want them to have money, a good job, good looking, nice house, nice care, clean, etc?
Now make a list of all the must haves and the deal breakers. List the things that are non-negotiable. What things will you not tolerate from a partner? Some examples are: Do they do drugs? Do they drink too much? Are they overweight? Do they not take care of themselves, etc.
Okay, now that you have all the things that you WANT in a relationship and all the deal breakers that you don’t from a partner. Now you need to make another list.
This list is called would I date myself?
Really think hard about all of your qualities and list those. Then you need to make a list of all the things that are not so great about yourself.
Go back to the list that you made of what you want in a relationship. Now go through every single item and ask yourself if you have those traits or qualities. Ex: You might want this person to have a good job yet your barely make month to month. Or maybe you don’t have a job and still live with your parents. You want your partner who drives a BMW, yet you drive a 1998 Buick. Okay, are you getting the picture? Be brutely honest with yourself. This isn’t meant to beat yourself up, but it is going to give you an eye opener as to what you are bringing to the table.
A big part of the list should also include where you are emotional. Are you at a positive place in your life? Do you feel good and confident about yourself? How are your relationships with family and friends? How are you doing at work? These are all very important because a lot of times we are looking for someone else to makes us feel better or to make things better for us.
It is not the responsibility of the other person to do that for you. You are responsible for what you are bringing to the table.
Think back to the time that you met your new boyfriend, or boyfriend that you had in the past. What emotional state were you in? What was your life like back then?
If your not in a relationship and you want to meet someone are you in a good place to offer your partner? Or are you struggling with loneliness and you want he or she to make your life better. Are you struggling with money and do you feel like you are looking for someone to come rescue you and help you pay bills?
Now back to the question that I asked earlier: Would you date yourself? If the answer is yes, then great! Go out there and show the world your awesome! That means you have everything together and don’t need to improve on anything. Although, I believe we are all growing and we all can improve in on some area of our lives.
Now, if you wouldn’t date yourself, then let’s get to work. Make a list of things or ways that you would like to change about yourself or your life. Make a list of how you’re going to go about making those changes. Set an end date as to when you want the goals to be reached.
Good luck on your journey. Don’t give up because when you can answer the question: Would you date yourself? You, my dear, have arrived and are ready to be in a quality relationship with a quality partner!